Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
