$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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