you guys were way drunker than both of me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
