If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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