just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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