I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
