I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
