Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
