bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
only if we run a train.
done.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
