The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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