"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
