yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
