3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He better not be in your backpack
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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