Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
