oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His nipple licking is glorious
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