We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
