I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Screwed.edu
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
