I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
MIDGETS
????
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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