This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
