highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is my gift to your gina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
