His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
