her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
