Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When did we convert life to cartoon?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
