Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize