Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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