I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
