Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
