he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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