I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
