This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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