Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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