Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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