Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
