apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
