Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
