Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize