So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
