Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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