Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize