Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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