OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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