ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
