Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
