Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
