he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
