If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
