You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
