I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
