I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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