Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
