She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
