I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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