You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
