Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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