I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
