Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
