But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I could fuck to npr.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
