I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
