if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
