I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
