I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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