At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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