i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
