I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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