In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
