ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
