We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
