I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize