Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
