Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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