great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
