when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
