I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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