Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize