his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
