everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
