He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
