You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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