I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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