So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
