Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
