the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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