I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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