if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
