hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
