I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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