i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
