Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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