He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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