He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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