somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
