Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
