my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
