So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
