Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
