I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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