Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
