DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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