it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize