As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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