Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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