I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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