Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
