Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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