Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
