I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
