My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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