Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
